I call my glasses this because I have had them for almost 5 years now, and over these 5 years I have put them through hell. I bought them the year I moved here to New Mexico from Massachusetts, around 2009. They have been right there with me, sitting right on my face, for 3 years of high school, and now 4 years of college. They have been with me through 3 moves, 5 different girlfriends, and 3 cross-country trips. They have been stepped or sat on multiple times and re-bent into shape. They have lost screws and I have had to buy many a glasses-repair-kit to fix them. Along the way, somehow one of plastic shells surrounding the earpiece has cracked and now slides around. I like to think it gives them some character. With each scratch on the lenses, each spot of fading on the bronzed metal, each new different-colored screw that is added, my glasses gain a battle scar that reminds me of all the trials and tribulations I have been through while wearing them.   -Alexander Wilson